The President's Song

"The President's Song"
Parody by Phil Alexander
(Based on "The Major-General's Song" from Gilbert and Sullivan's Pirates of Penzance )


PRESIDENT:
I am the very model of a bible-bound creationist.
A blinkered, blind and narrow-minded dumb-ass revelationist.
I find it hard distinguishing religious from political,
And so I make decisions that are highly hypocritical

I try and change the law to save the life of someone comatose,
While ordering a war and killing anyone who comes too close.
The latest body count was twenty-thousand-plus civilians,
But I've got policies that could cause carnage by the millions

ALL:
But he's got policies that could cause carnage by the millions,
But he'sgot policies that could cause carnage by the millions,
But he's got policies that could cause carnage by the millions

PRESIDENT:
I know the world was made for us, and has been since it first begun.
It says so there in Genesis, and God knows I'm a Christ-ee-yun.
In short, in matters biblical, a congregagginationist.
I am the very model of a bible-bound creationist

ALL:
In short, in matters biblical, a congregagginationist. He is the very
model of a bible-bound creationist

PRESIDENT:
My country's use of gasoline is profligate and decadent.
It's harming our economy and the whole world's environment.
Global warming morons warn of crises so hysteric and
It makes me thank the Lord that I was born to be American

Like anyone in power who wants to show their adherence.
I pick and choose the bits I use from both Old and New Testaments.
The Satanic secular types show how much they fear me.
When I announce that evolution's no more than a theory

ALL:
When he announces evolution's no more than a theory.
When he announces evolution's no more than a theory.
When he announces evolution's no more than a theory

PRESIDENT:
Then I can draft a scary bill that's more than taking liberties.
But arguing impugns your patriotic sensitivities.
In short, in matters patriotic, criminal or terrorist,
I am the very model of a bible-bound creationist

ALL:
In short, in matters patriotic, criminal or terrorist.
I am the very model of a bible-bound creationist

PRESIDENT:
In fact, when I know what is meant by true religious parity,
When I don't think the West is under threat from secularity.
When my lack of brain-power's not undermined by literacy,
And when my foreign policy's less gunboat, more diplomacy

When I have learnt the difference 'tween sandwiches and sand wedges
When I can use with confidence the whole damn English lang-u-wedge.
In short, when I can state a statement oh, so very statedly,
You'll say no president's ever misunderestimatedly

ALL:
You'll say no president's ever misunderestimatedly.
You'll say no president's ever misunderestimatedly.
You'll say no president's ever misunderestimatedly

PRESIDENT:
I know there ain't much knowledge that's contained within my cranium ,
I went to see the Wizard, but he can't give me a brainium.
But still, in things political or educa-ca-cationist,
I am the very model of a bible-bound creationist

ALL:
But still, in things political or educa-ca-cationist .
He is the very model of a bible-bound creationist

[Thank you, Carol]